Online Therapy

Woof. Therapy has such a stigma around it, but I have quite a few friends that have spoken very highly about its benefits and as I am working through a particularly rough personal situation...I decided to give it a go.

I heard of "BetterHelp" through an ad, and thought why not try it out for a month? If it's virtual, and the format sounded like something would work for me.

The first session was fantastic- I felt like it was a good match with the counselor based on our communication types and his specialty and personal experiences lined up really well. I was feeling very optimistic about the experience and I told the counselor that I would fill out the journal portion of the app with further details of my situation so we could better have all the details out in the open.

He also gave me some homework of things to look up that sounded like what I was going through, so I did a lot of reading of my own and looked up as much as I could online about it.

The next day, I spent an extensive amount of time writing out the events that led me to try counseling, and it took several hours to do so. It was a therapeutic exercise in itself.

Next session came around - (2 days later) the counselor had notified me he was running behind schedule, and when we were able to speak, there were some tech issues. I also found myself being redundant with what I had expressed in the journal entry. When I mentioned this, he admitted he hadn't read what I wrote yet. Not that big of a deal, since there wasn't a ton of time between me writing it and our session, but I was still irritated by this.

I gave more time between that session and the next one, and while disappointed, I tried to remind myself that it's still a new experience and to remain open...

Session 3 - Yet again, the counselor said something was off in the scheduling again. This was irritating right off the bat, as I was following the scheduling system and booking his open time. Then the rescheduling was coming within 30 minutes prior to the appointment- not allowing a lot of time for notice.

I was also beginning to notice that he still hadn't read the larger journal entries I posted early on, and he was not sending the resources he promised to send at the end of each session.

The latest scheduled session, I booked his last slot of the day, hoping that he wouldn't be running behind schedule again and it would be a good option. Awhile before the meeting he reached out and said he had earlier times available if I wanted to move my appointment up. Instead, I just cancelled.

I understand that scheduled times can be difficult for people, and that a new system can be tricky. However, I don't need another thing to constantly shift or try to project manage a counselor into sending materials in time, keep appointments, or read the information that they said they're going to... For me, if something that is supposed to help alleviate stress is causing more, it's time to find a different route.

I think the counselor was nice within our interactions, but I decided it might be best for me to continue my own journey through books, meditation, reflection, research, and journaling on my own, and possibly try in-person sessions if my situation continues or proves to be more difficult in coming months... I could have changed counselors, but I think after this experience, I'd prefer to try in-person if need-be.

I am, however, feeling better about the situation after a few sessions along with lots of reading up on it. What I really wanted to gain from this experience, I had- which was a professional's outlook on how best to healthily navigate a toxic situation, and I had already been practicing in the way that was recommended.

If online therapy works for you, great! Happy to hear it, it just wasn't for me.