Top 10 Tips for Planning a Wedding

Congratulations! You’re engaged.

Now what?

Well for starters, lots of people will be asking you if you’ve set a date, what type of wedding you will have, and giving you plenty of unsolicited opinions on what you should do and how...

I’m extremely organized and obsessive about crossing things off of a to-do list. Even for me, the wedding planning was a challenge at times. As I'm reflecting back on my experience and watching both my best friend and my cousin plan their weddings, here’s the best advice I can offer as someone who has been there, and planned the whole thing without professional help:

(Note: Most of these will pertain to the traditional ceremony and reception style of wedding.)

1. Wait to go public with the engagement

Whaaaaaat? I just got this rock, I want to flaunt it to everyone.

Trust me, I know the feeling, BUT you will get hit with a million questions once you announce it. People won’t just bask in the glory of your new engagement, they want to know what’s next.

Wait a bit to tell people until you and your significant other can sit down and come up with a firm list of what you do and don’t want. It’s much easier to combat other people’s expectations if you and your soon-to-be-spouse have a good idea of what you both want. This is about the two of you.

Be in this happy bubble for a little while before inviting everyone else in.

2. Make sure you tell the family before updating your status on social media

This might seem obvious, but it’s so easy to forget.

Call the parents, grandparents, and if you’re close with them, your aunts, uncles, and cousins. Also, tell your closest friends. Don’t let them find out secondhand on social media. awkward

3. Start a Pinterest Board

Despite your personal preference on this social media platform, this visual tool will take a lot of pressure off of you trying to piece together your vision. You can set it to private, but get a spot where you’re saving the things you like, and ideas. (Even if you plan on hiring a wedding planner, this will help them out immensely- being too vague as a client is extremely frustrating)

Once you get a batch of things together you might start seeing a theme. Again, it’s important to make sure you and your fiancé are getting what you envision. Put some things together before you open up the planning to a committee.

4. Do some research

There’s a lot that goes into a wedding. If you’re not one of those people that watches a lot of wedding shows, now’s a good time to start. Watch a few and get an idea of what you like, and what to look for. There’s also a lot of good articles on the internet that can help with this. The wedding industry is huge, and there is no shortage of resources.

Here's a few of my favorite guilty pleasure wedding shows to help understand the wedding process:

- Say Yes to The Dress

- Four Weddings

- Bridezillas

(there are a ton, but these will show a lot of the behind the scene planning and family dynamic snags that are pretty common during the process)

5. Set a budget

Money is a major stress point with big events, especially weddings. Set a budget and stick with it. I recommend first setting a budget that you and your fiancé can comfortably stay within, without additional help.

*I put this step after the research phase because even if you like the big fancy stuff and can't afford it, it's good to have as inspiration and who knows, you might be able to find something similar for less if you try

Anything gifted to you beyond that is wonderful, but I’ve heard of plenty of situations where close family members use their contribution to the wedding as a weapon to get what they want. Make sure you have a manageable budget that does not leave you dependent on gifts. Remember, you're getting married- starting it off in debt because of a one day celebration will cause a lot more long term strain on your relationship.

6. Start a list

The Knot is a lifesaver here, and I cannot recommend it enough. They have an app that breaks it all down for you- the budget, the timeline, the to-do list. There’s probably other companies that do similar things, but I’ve used The Knot, I know it’s an excellent tool. Also, looking at a list will help you narrow your scope of what you want.

7. Pick a date/venue

These two go hand-in-hand because if you love a date, but the venue isn’t available, that’s beyond your control.

Pick a general timeline you’d like and start looking into what’s available in the area. It’s not a bad idea to look into unconventional venues too, there’s a lot of event spaces out there. Pick a few of your top options and weigh them against each other.

Things to consider include: cost, if food is included or available through the venue, lodging nearby, and size.

8. Write a guest list

Once you have a date and a venue put together, start drafting a guest list.

The location will dictate the amount of people you can have, stay within your limits. Your family is going to weigh in on this too because there’s probably people they’ll want to add. This is up to you.

(This is also where family members may try and weaponize any monetary contribution, "oh well I'm helping pay for this, I want to invite my distant cousin that you haven't seen since you were 5..." Be warned about this scenario. Also, do you really want to spend your wedding day with conversations like "oh I haven't seen you since you were little, catch me up on your entire life since then..." Nope.)

Once you have the first draft written up, then I’d share it with the direct family for their opinion. Let them know what ones you’re firm on, and it’s not a bad idea to limit their additions.

9. Pick your colors

This could be done sooner if you want, but it's better to pick it once you have a venue because the environment could change it.

This should be easy if you put that Pinterest board together. Visually picking color palettes you like will help you get a general idea of what you want. If you want physical samples to play with, go to the local hardware store and grab some of the free paint swatch papers. This will also help to have it physically when you go in to pick out suits and dresses.

I highly recommend having a good idea of what you want for colors before the next step.

10. Figure out who is in the bridal party

You don’t need to have bridesmaids or groomsmen, but if you do, now is the time to figure out who you want standing by your side through the rest of this process.

Keep in mind, this can be a costly invite for some people, and you’ll want to respect everyone’s financial situation. You’re asking them to not only be a part of this, but to spend time and money on the events leading up to it. It’s also okay to have a smaller wedding party and more guests. Don’t take it personally if someone declines either. Remember: it’s a title, it shouldn’t affect your relationship with them.

Another thing to remember here: these people will be in your wedding photos forever. If you’ve grown apart from someone, or you feel obligated to make them a part of your group because they did so for you, reevaluate it. If you have a close friend that you know would be uncomfortable, clingy, or a hot mess throughout the process, it's okay to just invite them as guests and not standing in the bridal party. Again, these are titles for a day.

Hopefully these tips help you in planning your big day. There’s a lot of details that you could get caught up in, but getting a firm plan on the ten things listed above will make everything else much easier on yourself.

Enjoy this time, and be sure to set aside time for your regular life. Wedding planning has a way of sneaking into every conversation :)