In A Waiting Phase

Patience has never been a strength of mine.

I was the high schooler that called my mom 30 times in a row if she was late to pick me up. I've burnt my mouth countless times while rushing to eat hot food before it cooled down. I've injured myself over and over by not allowing time for my body to rest in-between workouts. And the list of examples goes on and on...

I haven't handled the last few weeks with the grace or healthy choices that I'd like to. No, I've been flawed in handling my emotions and anxiety lately. I've reverted into some bad habits, but I can honestly say that I'm handling it better than I would have in the past:

• I recognize now when I'm in this phase.

• I'm saying "no" to new and additional things. (In the past, I would have said yes to taking on additional tasks to help others at the expense of my own well-being.)

• I'm allowing myself to have the lazy coping days, because I know this is temporary.

While I've progressed through the years in gaining patience, I still have a long way to go. I'm not sure how long this phase will last- I have zero control on speeding it up. It's causing a lot of anxiety and stress, but there's nothing I can do, but wait.

I'm writing this for a few reasons:

• If you're in a waiting phase of life, I want you to know, you're not alone.

• To remind myself in the future that this phase is here. This painful, awful, waiting phase exists. It's easy to forget or diminish it when you've come through to the other side just how hard this time is, but it's here, it sucks, and it's necessary to grow.

• To explain the long gaps in posting here :)

Remember to look for the bright spots on the dark days. It will get better with time.